so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
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I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
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My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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