guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
