Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
