Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
