Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
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whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
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I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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