What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
