So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i wish my penis had a tongue
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
