I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
