That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
