doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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