3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
