I just pynch a tree in the face
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
