Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
