I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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