LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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