You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
