Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
