i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
