sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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