Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
