And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize