You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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