This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
