Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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