So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
