im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
