Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
