so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
His hands were made for my vagina.
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drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
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After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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