I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
