We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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