I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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