yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
