btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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