Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
