Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize