Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
