My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
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she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
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Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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