Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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