It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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