The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
