By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
