That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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