so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I cockslap morals
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
