I just saw a hot homeless man
I puked a lego.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
