Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
