Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
