When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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