Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
