yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
