I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
