I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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