What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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