I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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