Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
