So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
