haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
