you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
