I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
