He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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