Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
