This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
